I don't think i'm normal...?

On reading this I feel exactly like you. The only diifferences are that I do listen to some hiphop and I don't have any violent thoughts. About the OCD, i used to have it, diagnosed myself eg, I used to chew my food with excatly the same number of chews on each side of my mouth, right and left and did the same with every aspect of my life. I stopped thinking about this and what I did to stop it is fight it. If I counted that my foot steps or chews or etc, was going against my OCD, I began to what what my OCD hates and I beat it. So don't listen to your OCD, deliberately annoy it and you will prevail. I still really struggle to make friends simply because I can't do that fake thing, sitting there laughing about a dumb thing. Why can't we just talk about real things, things that matter. I once tried to be like everyone else, for the last to years of secondary school. Everyone was so shocked at the things I did, but it always felt so fake. I started swearing, but I asked myself why am I doing this, my grades started to go down hill. Now I regert those couple of years of my life and just wish I stayed the same, beacuse the truth is I am still the same person, no matter how much I wanted to change, I couldn't. Very introvert and a hard thinker, I think about the same things as you. My partner tells me I am not normal, but I've come to accept the fact that may be I will never have the social life that I've always wanted, but you know what, thank god i'm not an only child, because I can still have fun with my sisters. Don't worry too much, just concentrate on the good things you have. If you need anything just email me.