With this background can you understand that my life is over?

was a fairly good student when younger and went off to a nice university. I guess I was having trouble coping so I suddenly changed my major from Physics to Computer Science to Literature which was disastrous. Every second of this was hell. To this day I feel terrible for missing out on my mental development in college. Been depressed since, not really finding work. Now as I'm over 30, I made the decision to go to grad school and complete a 2nd BA. However, what I did was pretty horrible. My whole life has been affected, including being confused about my educational goals. So, I studied undergrad math for a semester. As I take the math I realize how I just can't make up for my previous error in terms of my personal development. If I complete a BA in math (which I am not enjoying) it will be a halfhearted attempt just allowing me to go on with my life. I don't know how much of my decision was caused by depression, immaturity, or other psychological problems. One of the most painful things is that no one else really has any idea how I feel. But what do you think about my current course of action... which is changing my major (at a local state uni) by getting a 2nd BA and then going to grad school.